Episode 04: STEPHEN

so what is life like in the future?

the weather is improving. the temperature is much warmer, less pollution, less rain and the days are longer. you always felt so much more energized by the heat of the summer sun.

what are my days like?

surprisingly enough not so much has changed. you still wake up shortly after sunrise and drink some lemon juice, i am not sure why and then make coffee. you read the daily news briefing. although now you don’t read not out load. oddly enough you still wait to make coffee. you still eat oatmeal for breakfast with mixed fruit and yogurt. except now you buy granola and don’t bother with the chopped nuts or keep raw honey in the cupboard.

so what has changed?

not as much as i would have thought. you still go to the gym. maybe just a bit more often. you no longer walk around the park. you immediately stopped shopping at the food coop. i cook less and order more take out. you still ride your bike to the city to visit hilda. yes, hilda is doing fine, but mattie had to be put down.

do i still go to the theatre?

yes. i still go to see lots of performances. mostly dance. occasionally a film. usually a funny film. you don’t go to theatre much. you don’t want to think.

what about school?

yeah, you’re still teaching but perhaps with less enthusiasm than before, but that’s just a personal observation. you make my bed and do my laundry.

what about my creativity?

you often write. mostly journaling. play a lot more guitar. a lot more guitar. oddly enough i read more fiction and i don’t eat meat. you stopped dancing. i am sorry.

really? wow. that makes me sad.

you still go to the coffee shop at the corner of south portland avenue, and I still sit in the window writing in my journal. but you don’t talk to anyone. no one.

why?

because you want to be alone. (pause) because you don’t want to replace the absence. you desperately want the space to remain there, unoccupied. you want the absence to follow me around indefinitely. boldly. so everyone can witness it…

sorry, we will have to pickups this interview at a later date. she just woke up and i want to enjoy the morning together. i have been waiting over an hour to turn on the coffee and read the news briefing out loud.

go. make the most of your day.

we can chat again in a few months. when you have more time.

are you crying?

maybe.

what’s bothering you?

i don’t want to think about the future. it holds nothing for me. i want to forever live in the present. i never want to let go of now.

sorry, i wish i could save you from my pain, but i can’t.